Sometimes, when I am offering advice to clients, they will interrupt me and comment, "But, that's not what Dr. Laura says." While there are some times I will agree with the radio psychotherapist, on many topics I disagree.

One of the subjects she and I don't see eye-to-eye on is whether or not a divorced parent should date if the children are less than 18 years of age. From the times I have listened to her show, it appears to me it is her belief a divorced parent should wait until their children are fully grown before they attempt to date.

While I agree bringing a new boyfriend or girlfriend around the kids can lead to additional trauma, it is also true that choosing a loving and compassionate mate can add quality to the lives of these children.

I understand her position, though. Often divorced parents will quickly bring new love interests around their kids and just about the time the kids are becoming attached, the father or mother breaks off the relationship.

So I have modified Dr. Laura's dictum from don't date until the kids are 18 to don't bring potential mates home to meet the kids until you know they are sticking around.

In most new relationships, men and women are on their best behavior and know they have to win over the kids if the person they desire has children.

Consequently, we have lots of dating partners who quickly become attached to another person's kids and vice versa. Then, if the relationship crumbles, the kids are forced to sustain yet another loss.

Many adults, after they have become divorced, believe, "Now it's my time!" Meaning they have suffered in a loveless marriage for too long and now they deserve to go out there and sample the dating world.

I really don't see a problem if a newly divorced parent wishes to date on the days their kids are at the ex's home. As long as they don't bring this person around the kids, go ahead and date away.

If and when the relationship becomes serious and there is a track record of at least a year or better, the parent may start to consider how to introduce their new love to the kids.

One of the big mistakes is to say to the children, "Kids, I really love this person but if you don't like them, they are gone." I say this is a mistake because no kid should have ultimate veto power over the personal lives of a parent.

The integration needs to go very slowly and the parent must always remember it is essential the kids continue to have private one on one time with them.

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