Cybersex is the “new drug” of choice, and sadly enough many have become addicted. The results can be damaging in several aspects of the addicts life. Relationships may perish; they could become distracted at work and may sometimes become disconnected with the real world. Some addicts even go, as far as to act out their fantasies, however there is a way to pull the plug on cybersex.

You might not consider these numbers high, however, they vary on a daily basis and continue to rise. Keep in mind, these numbers do not include the number of people who buy or rent X-rated DVD's, buy or subscribe to smut magazines, order X-rated Pay per View movies, call 900 Numbers, Cable, frequent Topless/Nude Bars, Massage Parlors, Porno Theatres or Peep Shows. Let's not forget prostitution. Like any other addict, you can't get enough, you become so absorbed, nothing else matters. You can't wait for that next fix. A study conducted by Richard Drake, (assistant professor of Brigham Young University College of Nursing); found “Pornography consumption can be as "mood altering" and as addictive as narcotics”. I personally know of people who have been in that situation and it wreaked havoc on their lives. One gentleman couldn't wait for his wife to leave so he could call 900 numbers. He would encourage her to go out with her friends or to go shopping. She also found porno magazines stuffed behind their bedroom dresser. When she never received a phone bill she questioned him about it and his response was “it's a little more than it should be.” According to her, she thought maybe he was calling his family overseas, but he wasn't. She asked to see the phone bill and he refused to give it to her saying he'd pay the $200.00 and not to worry. She became concerned since the bill was in her name, so she contacted the phone company. Much to her surprise, the phone bill wasn't $200.00 as he stated, instead it was a whopping $2,500.00! She was in shock and questioned the operator about the calls. She requested a copy be sent to her. When she produced her copy to her husband, she said he blamed her for not having enough sex with him. She was extremely hurt and mortified. She's told me that she had no idea he was involved “in that stuff”. She did confront him with the magazines as well and he said they weren't his, so she disposed of him. She is no longer married to him. The truth is there were problems before the porno, but the sneaking and the lying made her feel betrayed and opened her eyes.

Another friend began dating a man she'd met and really liked him, said he was a decent man. She liked the fact that he was stable, held a good job, and was well-groomed and nice looking. The first time she went to his house she said it was creepy. The lawn hadn't been kept up and the inside of the house was dark and cold. But, when they went out, they had a great time and he was always a gentleman to her. She really enjoyed his company. As the relationship progressed, they became intimate. The one thing that she said always bothered her, was that the first time they made love he couldn't have an orgasm. She said it made her feel inadequate. She said she asked if it was her and he said no, that he had “relieved himself” before the date. This utterly surprised her and basically took it for what it was worth. It's a known fact that men do that, so she let it go.

After some time, they moved in together and she noticed that their love life wasn't progressing. She said it would take him forever if at all to be pleased. She tried and became frustrated and didn't know why. She kept blaming herself saying “it must be me, or I must be doing something wrong”. Then one night, she awoke only to notice he was not lying next to her. She called for him several times, but he didn't respond, so she got up and heard typing. When she flung the door open, he jumped and clicked off the page he was on. “What are you doing?” she asked. He said he couldn't sleep and was looking at baseball scores. Okay, In the middle of the night? Anyway, she accepted that answer and thought things were all right. However, this continued happening. He wouldn't be in bed in the middle of the night, he was spending too much time on the computer and the sex wasn't getting any better.

One day, she was supposed to have lunch with him as they always had. He indicated he needed to go home because he's left some papers he needed and that he's return shortly. Upon returning home for work that evening, he went to the gym and she checked her e-mail. When she got on the computer she said he forgot to delete the history and saw pornography. She clicked on it and was shocked at the graphic movie that was on. She checked the time and it was when he went home “to get his papers”. Just then it occurred to her that their sex problems weren't because of her, but because of him. She investigated some more and found several pictures of nude women he saved and other X-rated movies he downloaded.

Naturally she confronted him. She said she remained calm and didn't' yell or wig out, but it was extremely hard to hide her tears. He couldn't give her an answer but indicated he would quit. He didn't, because he couldn't. He was driven by it and it consumed him. She left him and he pleaded for her to return. She only agreed if he sought help and destroyed all the porn he'd saved on the computer. He complied and got help through counseling, put a block on the computer and deleted the porn. They are still together. Although both situations are different in terms of use, the problems were very similar. Both men lied to conceal their addictions and suffered financial losses. Their endings were different in that one was able to keep his relationship and sought help while the other continued on a path of destruction.

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